Changing My Mindset

Getting over an eating disorder is a long a gruesome process. Sometimes I feel like I have made zero progress and there is no end in site. It is always refreshing when I reminded by others about how far I have come. I have a tendency to never accept my triumphs and only focus on my stumbles. Today I was reminded that even one step forward is still a step closer to the finish line. The one step is a huge accomplishment and shouldn't be ignored.

I learned that I am no longer binging. (Pause for a triumphic yeah!) I, of course, was beating myself up for "binging" this past week but when I re-hashed my accounts, it turned out I am just "over indulging". I am not eating based on feelings, shoving down the pain with food. Nope. I was just not paying attention to my portion size. Eating too much with no invisible string attached to my emotions is just over-indulging not binging. Learning to control my portion size is less daunting than facing the emotions of binging. I am so relived to learn that I am over indulging without emotional reasons, than my old habit of force feeding my mouth with food in order to cover the stabbing pain in my heart.

Now the trick is to learn moderation without restricting. "Restriction" the evil wall I put up just begging me to rebel against. Now "moderation" is much more realistic. When you are allowed to have a bite than the temptation whispers less in your ear. That is why dieting never worked for me. Dieting was restriction in big bold letters. Dieting was just begging me to rebel and binge. I was setting myself up for failure. With moderation there is no failing. Moderation wants you to succeed and live a comfortable life where you don't have to walk on egg shells anymore.

It is time for me to change my mindset. What do I want? What makes my body feel alive? What do I love? It is time for me to set-up a lifestyle & mindset that supports the life I want. The goal is to have a active lifestyle with a balanced and moderate eating plan. Once I change my mindset to be "I do this because I love it. Because it makes me feel great" then all the pieces will fall into place. The food is just a tool used to support the lifestyle I want.