Sorry for the short & sweet post but I am heading down to Miami for our Swimsuit Fashion Show tonight!

So, one bad day behind me but yesterday I got back on track and I am back to feeling awesome again! I am back down to 145. I know I can make it to under 140 by March 2nd. Just need a positive attitude!

Ralph Marston said: "Your goals, minus your doubts, equal your reality."

This is my new inspirational quote because my doubts and fears are what hold me back.

 Hope everyone is having a wonderful Thursday!! It is almost the weekend!!

Tomorrow is always a new day.

Today was much better! Minus my completely embarrassing moment when I mooned our Art Director by accident. I am still blushing in embarrassment.

But the good news is today I woke up feeling horrible, fat, bloated, yucky, sick. It was a huge wake up call that I can't eat shitty food anymore. I really felt the toll bad food takes on my body. Today I just wanted to pump my body with veggies so I can't start to feel skinny and healthy again.

Tomorrow is going to be the big challenge. We have a fashion show in Miami tomorrow night to kick off the South Beach Food & Wine Festival and it is going to be very tempting to drink and eat. My plan is to bring a protein bar in case there is nothing I can eat and drink lots of club soda.

I HAVE to reach my goal of being under 140 one week from today. I had a slip-up but I am back and ready to kick butt!

The last time I saw my Aunt & Uncle alive, they told me they were proud of me for how far I had come in my weight loss. My goal is to stop crying over them but honor them by reaching my goal so they can be proud of me again. The painting above was made by my cousin's and her friends the night before the funeral. This image is my inspiration and reminder to keep living and for me to really live I need to get healthy.

I fell... and fell hard!

Today was the first really bad day... and I hope the last. I completely fell off the diet wagon. :(

I hate being a girl. It is just not fair that once a month we get to be an emotional tornado. Today I got my "gift" (so mean they call it that cause it is not a gift it is the devil!). Well for me I go a little nutty... besides the fact that I was balled over at my desk all day wishing I was home on my couch with my lovely heating pad watching lifetime movies, my cravings were flip flopping worse than my emotions. Salt, sugar, salt, sugar AHHH I couldn't take it anymore and sadly, very sadly caved and ate a bag of doritios and chocolate and a lollipop and a burrito and goldfish and more chocolate.... I couldn't stop.

I seriously want to cry! And I am not sure what is bringing on the tears more... the fact that I want to throw up right now cause I am so full, the fact that I wasn't strong enough to stay on the diet, the fact that if I am not strong enough to defeat my period emotions means I am not ready to take on my emotional eating, the fact that I can't stop thinking about my aunt & uncle... I seriously might break into tears if someone even looks at me wrong.

I think the main reason I want to cry right now is cause I am scared. I am scared that I am going to be fat forever. I am scared that I won't be able to complete the diet. I am scared I won't be able to gain the strength to say no to emotional eating.

My sister tried to help me today by giving me some thinspiration "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels". The sad part is I have never felt skinny so I have nothing to keep me going. The only thing I know is food and being fat.

Battling Rope Conditioning Exercises

So my mighty trainer this weekend had me try this new work out... Battling Ropes! It is this GIGANTIC & HEAVY rope that he ties around a tree and makes you do all this crazy stuff with. My arms and shoulders hurt so bad right now!!! It was definitely the best workout I have ever gotten. My heart was racing, it was fun, and we were constantly changing it up so it kept it interesting. I highly recommend everyone trying the ropes.
Watch the video to get a brief idea of all the crazy stuff we had to do. (and no, I didn't look anything like this guy when I tried the ropes. I struggled to lift them up!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbkbcPJTTes

Minor Set back

This weekend was rough. It was my first weekend on the diet and I realized this is going to be hard. When I am home alone, all I want to do is munch on food. I had to really restrain myself. Also, during the work week I plan out every meal where on the weekend everything was up in the air. The boy wouldn't be hungry so I would wait but then we would be somewhere that I couldn't eat at. I realized I need to plan out my meals on the weekend, have a back up plan, and always pack snacks.


Yesterday was awful (minus the fact that Lion Country Safari is amazing)! I woke up at 9am took the dogs to the dog park, had an orange and crawled back into bed and proceeded to pass out till noon. Then, the BF and I went to go look at a new motorcycle and then headed to Lion Country Safari. I only brought 4 crackers as a snack and we didn't get back to my apartment till 6pm. I WAS STARVING! Of course the BF was eating non stop all day (he has a never ending stomach pit) but I couldn't eat any of his snacks that he got from the gas station. So lesson... I need to be more prepared.
 

Also, I am about to get my womanly gift so I was craving chocolate all weekend. I splurged and had a couple pieces (probably two too many) but it taught me a lesson. I only lost 1 lb this weekend and I know I can do better than that. I need to stay focus and don't have any more set backs.

My goal this week is to get under 140 and I know if I stay strong, throw out the left over Valentine's chocolate, and focus I can lose those next 5 lbs.

6lbs down! Take that extremely good looking chocolate cake...

6 lbs gone!!!! How awesome is that?!?!?! Yes, I do understand that this is probably attributed to something else like what I was wearing at the weigh in (um... a light knit maxi). But I am still happy because this morning when I woke up I had a moment where I actually felt skinner. I am so happy I have that feeling back because it is so addicting and really keeps me on track.

I have really only had two frustrating moments... 
Last night, I was babysitting my cousins and there was a HUGE chocolate cake that they were digging into (1. this is a horrible idea because then they stay up till midnight sprinting around the house the whole time and 2. Might have to kill my mom for having a huge cake like that at our house). But I am really proud cause I didn't even lick the icing off my fingers (and boy did I want to!).

And then I have been feeling VERY lightheaded the past couple days like I am about to pass out. I get this feeling when I am stressed out and work has been really busy. So I was ignoring the feeling until the nurse told me I was an idiot for not taking my potassium pills cause without them I will continue to feel faint. Now I just need to make some time and head over to Walgreens...

But, I am feeling really good and happy and that is what is most important! Oh and other good news... shots in the butt really scare me cause I can't see it coming so the nurse is letting me stick it in my thigh now. MUCH BETTER!

Time to go drink my 8th cup of tea now... I might have to upgrade my snowman mug now that I actually drink out of it and walk around the office with it. But I am kinda attached to him...

Inspiration Time...

Day 1 is complete! (and half of day 2)... yesterday wasn't too bad. I realized that eating raw veggies is actually very tasty (I've been boycotting salads lately), strawberries & cool whip is a GREAT dessert, and tea is better than coffee (no stinky breath or upset stomach). I'm paying closer attention to what I eat, since I can't eat as much, and it is amazing how much better things taste when you focus on the food. Yes, I am a little hungry right now and have a headache cause I am extremely tired but weirdly I feel skinner and healthier already. I think this is largerly due to the fact that I am chugging water and tea so I really feel my body cleansing.

Now on to the important stuff... My best friend yesterday told me I should take that skinny photo of myself and post it in bathroom, on my fridge, and at work. What a great idea! Every time I see that photo of myself I get really excited. So, it got me thinking about my other inspirations and I have started compiling pictures of clothes I want, actresses I want to look like, activities I want to do when I reach my goal weight. My two favorite inspirations are the lovely Lea Mitchell from Glee (yup she is only 5'1 like me) and strangely Kelly Osborne (because she is also short and has come so far!)

 

But I need your help... I have started filling in things I will reward myself with when I have lost a certain amount of weight but I need more ideas... HELP!!! 

"I eat cause I'm fat and I'm fat cause I eat"

Me... :( My face is SO round! And I refuse to wear sleeveless right now...

Thank you Fat Bastard for finally showing the world how I feel. I have been battling my weight for years now and it is completely tied to my emotions. When I am sad I eat and then I am sad cause I am eating. It is a horrible vicious cycle.

Last night a HUGE package of clothes arrived from Boston Proper and not even kidding but only 3 items fit! EVERYTHING was too tight or worse made me look 9 months pregnant. At that point I realized it wasn't the clothes fault but my own. I had gained back the 40 lbs I had worked so hard to kick off last year... and in under a year. SO AWFUL!

While crying myself to sleep, I decided enough was enough. I want to look and feel great in my clothes. I want my boyfriend to love my body. I want to have energy to workout again. I want to be confident. I want to be happy!

Today is the day! I went to the diet doctor this morning, threw down my money, got a B12 shot in the butt, and headed to work.

MY INSPIRATION: This is me at my skinniest last year. My goal is to be 10 lbs under this...