I fell... and fell hard!

Today was the first really bad day... and I hope the last. I completely fell off the diet wagon. :(

I hate being a girl. It is just not fair that once a month we get to be an emotional tornado. Today I got my "gift" (so mean they call it that cause it is not a gift it is the devil!). Well for me I go a little nutty... besides the fact that I was balled over at my desk all day wishing I was home on my couch with my lovely heating pad watching lifetime movies, my cravings were flip flopping worse than my emotions. Salt, sugar, salt, sugar AHHH I couldn't take it anymore and sadly, very sadly caved and ate a bag of doritios and chocolate and a lollipop and a burrito and goldfish and more chocolate.... I couldn't stop.

I seriously want to cry! And I am not sure what is bringing on the tears more... the fact that I want to throw up right now cause I am so full, the fact that I wasn't strong enough to stay on the diet, the fact that if I am not strong enough to defeat my period emotions means I am not ready to take on my emotional eating, the fact that I can't stop thinking about my aunt & uncle... I seriously might break into tears if someone even looks at me wrong.

I think the main reason I want to cry right now is cause I am scared. I am scared that I am going to be fat forever. I am scared that I won't be able to complete the diet. I am scared I won't be able to gain the strength to say no to emotional eating.

My sister tried to help me today by giving me some thinspiration "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels". The sad part is I have never felt skinny so I have nothing to keep me going. The only thing I know is food and being fat.